Monday, February 02, 2004
What is this? I'm sick? Sick for the second time in three months? For me, this is unprecedented. And when my head seems to cave in on itself, and I become trapped within its walls of mucus, there is nothing left for me to do but shut down. I don't talk. I don't want to talk. I don't want to move. Until I realize I can't breathe, and must. Thus I am the world's largest sissy, as a wee cold can make me Oscar the Grouch. And looking around my room, I do feel as if I'm living in a garbage can. Now... to put it out of mind.
"Don't direct. You do not want to direct. You do not want to be a director. It sucks. I don't know how I got trapped in this position. I don't know how I got trapped in this nightmare." - My former boss, Paris Barclay (2 time-emmy award winning director)
I will now explore why I want to direct, for life. To do so, I will first refer to the successful experience of last year's "the Illusion", and then to my current project, "Reckless".
For nine years I've been into the theater. For seven years I've been studying character, as a concept. For six years, I have wanted to direct. And, shazam!
During the Illusion, my first stab at bringing my own adaptation of the method which I've spent seven years studying, actors began to appreciate the freedom I was giving them, yet became easily apprehensive. And when "character work week" began, I freaked. I almost backed away with everything I had planned, fearing it'd be too strange... but I didn't. Something egged me on. Sean Persaud later told me, "When you first started doing that breathing stuff, I thought... 'oh God, not this again.'" But not only did he, and just about everyone, give it a shot, but bam! Characters were emerging from these actors left and right. New personalities, new physicalities, new approaches, new understandings... it was like a holy light shone upon us. And it wasn't me. I take no credit for that success... but their open minds, their willingness to try to amplify everything they've created, and quell their apprehension.
Now here we are, and Reckless is upon me. A show so quiet, so subtle. If nothing else, an opposite in playwriting style. Kushner's boisterous, theatrical characters in contrast with Craig Lucas' movie-esque, perceptibly immobile characters is a challenge I've put on myself. A good challenge. Julie, my AD, and I have had breakthroughs with the actors during week one. Four times have I seen an actor do something that is so beyond what they were used to from themselves. Not once, but twice have we had rehearsal with actors crying during scenes. We haven't bonded, we have melded. And we're still hot. So, why am I nervous? I was nervous before, and yet here I am, deja vu--hoping everyone in this cast will react the way everyone in the Illusion did... however, this time without the text on my side. But what this cast has that the Illusion didn't is this consistent desire throughout the actors to prove themselves. And what both casts have had is a consistent level of seriousness behind the fun. So, can't compromise now.
And that is why I love directing: it makes me crazy for the high reward.
...
I hope nobody really reads these. Someday, it'll be interesting here. Someday.
"Don't direct. You do not want to direct. You do not want to be a director. It sucks. I don't know how I got trapped in this position. I don't know how I got trapped in this nightmare." - My former boss, Paris Barclay (2 time-emmy award winning director)
I will now explore why I want to direct, for life. To do so, I will first refer to the successful experience of last year's "the Illusion", and then to my current project, "Reckless".
For nine years I've been into the theater. For seven years I've been studying character, as a concept. For six years, I have wanted to direct. And, shazam!
During the Illusion, my first stab at bringing my own adaptation of the method which I've spent seven years studying, actors began to appreciate the freedom I was giving them, yet became easily apprehensive. And when "character work week" began, I freaked. I almost backed away with everything I had planned, fearing it'd be too strange... but I didn't. Something egged me on. Sean Persaud later told me, "When you first started doing that breathing stuff, I thought... 'oh God, not this again.'" But not only did he, and just about everyone, give it a shot, but bam! Characters were emerging from these actors left and right. New personalities, new physicalities, new approaches, new understandings... it was like a holy light shone upon us. And it wasn't me. I take no credit for that success... but their open minds, their willingness to try to amplify everything they've created, and quell their apprehension.
Now here we are, and Reckless is upon me. A show so quiet, so subtle. If nothing else, an opposite in playwriting style. Kushner's boisterous, theatrical characters in contrast with Craig Lucas' movie-esque, perceptibly immobile characters is a challenge I've put on myself. A good challenge. Julie, my AD, and I have had breakthroughs with the actors during week one. Four times have I seen an actor do something that is so beyond what they were used to from themselves. Not once, but twice have we had rehearsal with actors crying during scenes. We haven't bonded, we have melded. And we're still hot. So, why am I nervous? I was nervous before, and yet here I am, deja vu--hoping everyone in this cast will react the way everyone in the Illusion did... however, this time without the text on my side. But what this cast has that the Illusion didn't is this consistent desire throughout the actors to prove themselves. And what both casts have had is a consistent level of seriousness behind the fun. So, can't compromise now.
And that is why I love directing: it makes me crazy for the high reward.
...
I hope nobody really reads these. Someday, it'll be interesting here. Someday.
